When children grieve : for adults to help children deal with death, divorce, pet loss, moving, and other losses

Select an Action

Place Hold(s)
Add to My Lists
Email
Text It To Me
Print

Title:

Title:

When children grieve : for adults to help children deal with death, divorce, pet loss, moving, and other losses

Personal Author:

James, John W., 1944- author.

Publisher Info:

New York : HarperCollins, [2001]

Physical Description:

xix, 268 pages ; 22 cm.

General Note:

Pagination may vary.

Abstract:

"To watch a child grieve and not know what to do is one of the most difficult experiences for parents, teachers, and caregives. And yet, there are guidelines for helping children develop a lifelong, healthy response to loss." "In When Children Grieve, John W. James and Russell Friedman of the Grief Recovery Institute, along with psychotherapist Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews, have created a cutting-edge volume that will help free children from the false idea that they "shouldn't feel bad" and will empower them with positive, effective methods of dealing with loss."-- Jacket.

Subject Term:

Grief in children.

Loss (Psychology) in children.

Bereavement in children.

Children and death.

Children -- Counseling of.

Added Author:

Friedman, Russell,

Matthews, Leslie Landon,

Available:*

Library	Call Number	Material Type	Status
Searching... Lowville Free Library	155.9 JAME	New or Popular Book Adult Nonfiction	Searching... Unknown

On Order

Summary

To watch a child grieve and not know what to do is one of the most difficult experiences for parents, teachers, and caregivers. And yet, there are guidelines for helping children develop a lifelong, healthy response to loss.In When children Grieve, John W James and Russell Friedman of the Grief Recovery Institute, along with psychotherapist Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews, have created a cutting-edge volume that will help free children from the false idea that they "shouldn't feel bad" and will empower them with positive, effective methods of dealing with loss.There are many life experiences that can produce feelings of grief in a child, everything from the death of a relative or a divorce, to more everyday experiences such as moving to a new neighborhood or losing a prized possession. Whatever the reason or the degree of severity if a child you love is grieving, the guidelines examined in this thoughtful book can make a difference. For example:

Listen with your heart, not your head. Allow all emotions to be expressed, without judgment, criticism, or analysis. Recognize that grief is emotional, not intellectual. Avoid the trap of asking your child what is wrong, for he or she will automatically say "Nothing." Adults -- Go first. Telling the truth about your own grief will make your child feel safe in opening up about his or her own feelings. Remember that each of your children is unique and each has a unique relationship to the loss event. Be patient. Don't force your child to talk. Never say "Don't feel sad" or "Don't feel scared. "Sadness and fear, the two most common feelings attached to loss of any kind, are essential to being human.

Author Notes

John W. James was born in Danville, Illinois. He was thrust unwillingly into the arena of grief and recovery when his three-day-old son died in 1977. John lives in Los Angeles with his Emmy Award-winning wife, Jess Walton -- the evil "Jill Abbott" on The Young and the Restless -- and spends most of his free time with daughter Allison and son Cole
Russell P. Friedman was born in Port Chester, New York. He arrived at the Grief Recovery Institute in 1986, following a second divorce and a major financial disaster. He started as a volunteer, and stayed and stayed and stayed. Russell lives in Sherman Oaks with Alice Borden and their dog, Max
Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews was born in Los Angeles. She attended a Grief Recovery Personal Workshop after the much-publicized death of her father, Michael Landon. She earned her doctorate in the field of psychology with a focus on children and grief. She lives in Southern California with her husband, Brian, and their three glorious children

Reviews 1

Publisher's Weekly Review

Coauthors of The Grief Recovery Handbook, John W. James and Russell Friedman join with psychotherapist Leslie Landon Matthews to present When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses. This compassionate manual addresses the nature of grief, purges common myths the worst of which, the authors claim, is that time heals all wounds (only small, positive actions can heal a person, insist James, Friedman and Matthews) and encourages adults to adopt a more healthy approach to grief themselves, so that they, in turn, can help children. (c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved

Introduction: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First	p. xii
Who Are We? And Why Have We Written This Book?	p. xv
Part 1 Monkey See, Monkey do	p. 1
Why Are You Reading This Book?	p. 3
Chapter 1 What's the Problem and Whose Problem Is It?	p. 5
What's the Problem?	p. 6
What Is Grief, Anyway?	p. 7
Obvious and Hidden Losses	p. 8
Never Compare Losses	p. 8
Time Doesn't Heal--Actions Do	p. 9
Normal and Natural	p. 10
Crisis Behavior	p. 11
Between the Problem and the Solution: Six Major Myths	p. 12
Chapter 2 Looking At Myth 1: Don't Feel Bad!	p. 14
Sweet but Dangerous	p. 15
Without Sadness, Joy Cannot Exist	p. 16
We Are Not Exaggerating	p. 16
Who's Responsible for Feelings?	p. 21
Chapter 3 Looking at Myth 2: Replace the Loss, Part One	p. 24
All Relationships are Unique	p. 26
The Stolen Bicycle	p. 27
Toys and Dolls--Gone but Not Forgotten	p. 28
It's Time to Meet Leslie and Learn More about Cherished Possessions	p. 29
Replace the Loss, Part Two	p. 31
Chapter 4 Looking at Myth 3: Grieve Alone	p. 33
Multigenerational Pass-Through	p. 34
Grieve Alone--A Closer Look	p. 36
Why Do People Grieve Alone?	p. 38
Is Alone Ever Okay?	p. 39
Here's Some Good News: Different Beliefs Produce Better Results For Children	p. 39
Pause to Reflect and Recap	p. 40
Chapter 5 Looking at Myth 4: Be Strong	p. 42
Wait, There's More	p. 43
Strong or Human, Pick One!	p. 44
Chapter 6 Looking at Myth 5: Keep Busy	p. 46
A Dangerous Illusion	p. 47
The Real Impact of Loss: Keeping Busy and Dwelling on Pain	p. 48
Dwelling on Pain Is Sometimes the Result of Not Being Heard	p. 50
Heard at Last	p. 51
Chapter 7 Looking at Myth 6: Time Heals All Wounds	p. 54
Corporate Grief and Grief in the Classroom	p. 55
No Time Zones	p. 56
Part 2 Moving From Grief to Recovery	p. 59
Chapter 8 Looking for "The Book"	p. 61
John's Quest Continues	p. 64
Chapter 9 What Is Incomplete Grief?	p. 67
Is Incomplete Grief Only about Bad Things?	p. 69
Chapter 10 Helping the Helpers	p. 73
It's Easier to Fill an Empty Cup	p. 73
Scuba Diving Lessons	p. 74
The Critical Transition	p. 75
Boundless Capacity	p. 77
Delicate Strokes	p. 78
If Your Kids Are Older, Do Not Despair	p. 79
Do We Know Enough Yet?	p. 79
Chapter 11 Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors (S.T.E.R.B.s)	p. 80
Do You Know Where Your Child's Energy Is?	p. 82
Short-Term Relief Doesn't Work	p. 84
Recapping Part Two	p. 87
Part 3 The Path to Completion	p. 89
What is Completion?
Chapter 12 The Relationship Review	p. 91
Relationship Reviews Happen Automatically	p. 91
Who Goes First?	p. 92
Pick the Fruit When It's Ripe	p. 93
Chapter 13 Real-Life Examples	p. 96
Out of the Mouths of Babes--Good-bye, Mr. Hamster	p. 96
All Grief Is Experienced at 100 percent	p. 98
The Death of a Pet	p. 98
Random Memories	p. 102
Chapter 14 Helping Your Child Review the Relationship	p. 103
Sleeping in the Bed, or Not	p. 105
Minding the Steam Kettle	p. 106
Chapter 15 The Emotional Energy Checklist	p. 107
Children and Their Pets: Reviewing Events and Emotions	p. 107
Emotional Energy Checklist: Death of a Pet	p. 110
Chapter 16 What to Do with the Review	p. 113
Converting Emotional Energy Into Recovery Components	p. 113
Chapter 17 Recovery Components	p. 116
Apologies First	p. 116
Apologies to Living People	p. 116
Apologies to People Who Have Died	p. 119
Should Parents Ever Apologize?	p. 119
Time Doesn't Create Completion: Actions Do	p. 120
Chapter 18 Recovery Components: Forgiveness	p. 121
Forgiveness Is an Action, Not a Feeling	p. 123
Chapter 19 Recovery Components: Significant Emotional Statements	p. 126
Are the Same Things Significant for Everyone?	p. 127
Some Significant Comments Require Forgiveness	p. 128
Fond Memories	p. 128
Recapping This Section	p. 129
Chapter 20 Death of a Person	p. 132
Reviewing Relationships with People Who Have Died	p. 133
The Death of a Grandparent	p. 134
Uniqueness Is the Real Issue	p. 135
"Less Than Loved Ones"	p. 137
Complex Relationships	p. 137
Emotional Energy Checklist: Grandparent, Relative, or Close Acquaintance	p. 139
Recapping Part Three--Is It Soup Yet?	p. 143
Before We Move On, We Honor the Readers	p. 144
Part 4 Moving from Discovery to Completion	p. 145
Chapter 21 Continuing Litany vs. Freedom
Carrying the Litany Is a Heavy Load	p. 147
Exaggerated Memory Pictures	p. 149
Freedom Feels Better	p. 150
Chapter 22 Zeroing In on Completion	p. 151
"Thumper"	p. 151
Chapter 23 Delivering, Completing, and Saying Good-bye	p. 160
Leading Up to Jessica's Letter	p. 161
Jessica's Completion Letter to Thumper	p. 163
Entirely Different but Exactly the Same	p. 176
Chapter 24 Very Close to NaNa	p. 169
Emotional Energy List--Grandparent, Relative, or Close Acquaintance	p. 176
Chronicling Events that Occur After a Death	p. 179
Amanda's Completion Letter to NaNa	p. 181
Chapter 25 One More Letter	p. 183
Jeffrey's Letter	p. 184
New Discoveries	p. 185
What About Jeffrey's Sisters?	p. 186
Concluding Part Four	p. 187
Part 5 Other Losses	p. 189
Focusing on Moving and Divorce	p. 189
Chapter 26 The First Big Move	p. 191
Transitional Events	p. 193
Chapter 27 What Not to Do	p. 194
Moving	p. 197
Chapter 28 On Divorce	p. 199
Leslie Gets the First Word--The Divorce of My Parents	p. 199
Chapter 29 Bad New--Bad News	p. 202
Long Term or Sudden Impact	p. 202
Whose Divorce Is It?	p. 203
Multiple Losses	p. 204
Sometimes We Get Lucky	p. 206
Don't Fix Feelings	p. 207
Don't Be Fooled--Relief Is Only the Last Feeling	p. 208
Noble Sentiments, but Hearts Are Still Broken	p. 209
One Central Issue	p. 201
Unique Is Still the Bottom Line	p. 211
Where Is the Focus?	p. 212
Taking Sides	p. 213
Children Sometimes Blame Themselves	p. 214
What Can You Do to Help?	p. 214
Leslie Gets the Last Word, Too	p. 215
Part 6 Closing up Shop	p. 219
Chapter 30 The "D" Word	p. 221
Illusion of Protection	p. 222
Solid and Clear Reference Point	p. 222
Sometimes the World Travels Backward	p. 223
Talking About Death with Your Child	p. 224
Curiosity Helps Children Learn	p. 226
Chapter 31 Euphemisms + Metaphors = Confusion	p. 230
Chapter 32 Four Weddings and a Funeral?	p. 234
Forty-five Years Later, but Who's Counting	p. 237
Chapter 33 Win-Win	p. 240
Chloe and Carrie Sue and the Real Meaning of Time	p. 240
Three Generations	p. 242
Spencer's Accidental Owners	p. 244
Tuning In to Elizabeth	p. 247
The Grief Recovery Groupie	p. 249
Our Completion with You	p. 252
Questionnaire	p. 254
Acknowledgments	p. 261

Available:*

On Order

Summary

Summary

Author Notes

Reviews 1

Publisher's Weekly Review

Table of Contents